you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found a bag of teeth...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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