dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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