Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
