I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
