So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
