i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
