Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
