Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
