Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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