First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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