You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
