I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
