The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
