i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
birth control should be required to get into college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
