I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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