I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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