We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
