Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
