fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
