I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
