you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
