I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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