Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
