I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
