i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
