Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
