Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
