i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
