if you like me you must not know who I am
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
