Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
