youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
