Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Naked. naked and bneed help.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
