Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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