Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
