Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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