he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
