just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
