Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
