the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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