suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
