God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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