i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
