he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
