from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
