Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Couch. On fire.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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