I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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