The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
