I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
