But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
