i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
