OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
