i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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